Tastybrains: Surprisingly, not about zombies.

 Thinking is hard, Fam. 

Writing is also hard, but especially when your brain isn’t working that great. One of depression’s many magic tricks is taking all of the things that make you a person and letting you watch as they disappear. 

Most of the time, I’m pretty good at masking it. You know, masking. Like disguising the things that aren’t ‘normal’ and pretending to be normal… I’m pretty good at it. When I have the energy. That whole, the person in the room who is always laughing and trying to make other people smile is the one who is hurting the most, deal. 

Except for my Goblin ass, it works like this:

Person: Hello, Rune, wild weather we are having!

Rune’s brain: [[Loading… one of 6,000 randomized human-person things to say]]

Rune: I know, right?

Person: Wow, Rune, you’re so normal. I would have no idea that literally all you’re capable of thinking about right now is what would happen if you put teeny tiny arms and legs on snakes. 

Rune’s Imagination: Weasel dragons. 

Usually I find the easiest way to appear human is to just give these vague conversational responses. It helps me navigate my daily life 80% better, but sadly also increases the likelihood that my random response will be one of those “you too!” responses that you give a server when they tell you to enjoy your food. 

Anyway. My brain isn’t working, so I went to my bestie Ithi and asked her what I should write about, because her brains are lovely. 

“Crazy millennials, they never use their real name on the internet!” I hear the older folk saying. 

To which I respond, “You are correct. We don’t use our real names on the internet because we were raised on Stranger Danger educational videos and lies about how juice was good for us.” 

Ugh. 

Nevermind. 

So I was talking to my Down Bitch Ithi and asked what I should write about, and her response was: “Why not your tastybrains?” 

So today I will talk about the tastybrian in my head. Buckle up, peanut butter cup. 

You may not have guessed it, but I’m a weird person, and I give all the credit to the fact that my imagination never chilled the eff out when I got older. In fact, it sort of went off the rails and the more weird I got, the more it seemed to make sense. However, there was one thing that got lost in the mix. 

If I told New Order that Monday was not the colour blue, Bernard Sumner would probably say, “why are you in my bathtub and did you eat all my ice cream?” ‘

Never ye mind, Bernard… never ye mind. 

Note to self: Should have named your blog, “Never ye mind, Bernard Sumner” 

Monday is, surprisingly, a very chill buttery yellow when I say the word out loud. It tastes a soft and feels like I took a mouthful of sour cream. Cool, smooth, a little tangy. Weird, right?

I always put it off to an overactive imagination and for the most part, kept it to myself, because the last thing the weird kid in school needs to be is also the kid that goes around saying “the word ‘lunch’ tastes like runny egg yolks, and Leonard Cohen music tastes like gritty dust on my back molars.” Sometimes things don’t really taste like much of anything, and I need to say the word a bunch of times before I can figure it out. Sometimes saying the word gives me a taste  and texture that I can’t stand. Which is why I will go out of my way to not say the word ‘meal’ or the food ‘hot pot.’ Names don’t work the same, usually with someone’s name it is more of a ‘reminds me of’ sensation. 

I’ve also conditioned myself over my life to ignore it, because of course I would, I got bullied enough just being the kid who liked to pick up spiders. Usually, when I’m just going about my day and speaking normally and not actively thinking on the words, everything just sort of tastes like movie popcorn, not too much butter, left in the bag overnight so it’s slightly chewy when you eat it. 

I didn’t actually know this was a thing until my classes this past year when my professor was describing synes… sinesti… fuck, hold on. 

Synesthesia. Nailed it. 

Described as an overlapping of senses, where people will hear music but see shapes or colours, or in my case, say words but taste things. 

(copied from this Healthline Article, because I’m lazy)

Symptoms of synesthesia include

• involuntary perceptions that cross over between senses (tasting shapes, hearing colors, etc.)

• sensory triggers that consistently and predictably cause interplay between senses (e.g., every time you see the letter A, you see it in red)

• ability to describe their unusual perceptions to other people.

The whole thing was caught by my Prof when we were discussing an avant garde piece by Tanya Tagaq without context, and I kept getting distracted, because the words I was using to describe the feeling I got from the piece felt like cold snow on my teeth, specifically the snow packed down under the boot of someone who is running, with elements of broken tree bark and pine needles. It was a very unusual sensation, and in that moment I was so distracted I couldn’t remember what I was trying to say. 

For reference, here is the song. Tanya Tagaq is a Canadian Inuk throat singer from Nunavut. 

My Prof asked if I had Syne… synesasa… shit. Synesthesia! She asked if I had synesthesia and I said, “Synesthesia, I’ve never even met her!” and then I looked it up. 

Well, shit. Maybe I do after all. 

Then she told me to use it. 

So I have. 

It also explains some of my speech patterns! Because adverbs and adjectives taste wonderful, citrusy, herbaceous, fresh. 

I distinctly remember being a child and being called precocious because I would use words like ‘fabulous’ and ‘absolutely’ and the like. Which I get, it sounds weird when a child tells you, “This lemonade is absolutely fantastic!” or “That dress is magnificent on you!”  

By the way, you look wonderful. 

I like using these words because they make the less-good ones better. The taste is stronger, overpowering when I use it in a sentence. So check it out, adults who thought I was just parroting big words I heard somewhere:

Turns out I just like eating my own words. 

~R

Hey Fam! My bestie, Ithi, is leaving her full-time job to concentrate on her passion: creating artisan dice for RPG and other game settings. Please take the time to check out her shop, browse, and spread the word to anyone you know who loves dice and supporting small businesses!

I own several of her sets and individual pieces; they are stunning and among my most precious possessions.

Also, please follow her socials, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

I recommend the Wizard’s Jacket? Light, sharp edges while still being well-rounded, with subtle hints of ether and spellbook pages. These sets sell out quickly, I have one and it is everything. 

A magic practitioner’s jacket, laying there, colourful and full of stars.